The title says it all, folks. I bought a new fetal doppler, a Sonoline brand on e.bay. I got the info from mothers in different forums who are mostly babyloss moms. I kept saying I was going to buy this one right away when I got the BFP but I procrastinated. It was only yesterday that I resolved (really resolved) to do it.
What brought on this earnest motivation? Well, Dave has been touching my 15-week belly as if he would feel The Little Bug kick. I told him it's too early and that I haven't felt anything yet. I still get confused whether the ramblings in my tummy are simply gas, indigestion or baby flutters. I've been having too much stomach acid lately so I doubt if The Little Bug can compete with the rumblings.
Anyway, last night the hubby decided to look for the 'toy' fetal doppler we got when I was pregnant with Kai. I call it 'toy' fetal doppler because it wasn't really good at picking up the heartbeat. It's an oval-shaped thing that you strap around your tummy and listen to a pair of earphones with it. We used it last when I suspected Kai isn't moving as much. It gave us a faint heartbeat. Not really a reliable, comfortable thing to have. The last time I saw it was when we showed it to our midwife during her postpartum visit. So I don't really remember where it is now.
But Dave was quite persistent. He looked at the crates and crates of baby stuffs, checked some of our storage boxes up in the loft. I joined in the search because I think I was the one who put it away somewhere. But alas, one of my annoying characteristics is when I want something out of sight, I tend to do a very good job at putting it away and forgetting where it is.
For instance, we bought two Hawai'i guidebooks in 2010 for our babymoon during my first pregnancy. I put them away, thinking we could use them for our next trip. You'd think I would put them in a place I could see them right away or at least remember where they are, but apparently I did a very good job at placing them out of sight. When we plan on going back in June, I couldn't find the darn things anywhere. I ended up buying another one.
So we gave up our search. Dave was a bit disappointed. He wanted to hear TLB's heartbeat. I guess, my worry got to him a little bit since I told him: "I really don't know if this Bug is still alive or dead in here." Yes, this is how I get when I have to wait for our next OB appointment for a month! Well, technically, it's only a two week wait since we went to our NT scan on the 7th and will see our new OB on the 22nd. But I wonder what's going on with The Little Bug in between these days. I wonder and worry a lot.
I know the doppler won't guarantee any peace of mind. It could backfire on me and perhaps even make me more worried than I already am. But I wanted to have an equipment that's more reliable than what we have and is readily available. It won't replace a couple of "dream" equipment I really wanted - a made-for-home, portable ultrasound machine you can do yourself and a fetal heart rate monitor you can wear anywhere you go, sounds an alarm if baby is in distress and calls the hospital for you. Too much to ask for, you say. Well I did mention "dream" right?
So in lieu of having to call up our OB clinic for every panicky episodes, I would reach for the doppler. And hope against hope that I find a heartbeat.
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