Thirty-six weeks and six days! One more day to full-term! (((((@_@)))))
Man, things are getting more and more real around here. When I say 'things', I mean the things in THIS pregnancy. While I try to ignore them by sitting on my behind and watching mindless TV, the reality of it is setting in. And it won't be ignored. It sits with me, follows me everywhere, and is now nagging me.
It's saying, "Hey, get your butt in gear. You better go and finish your to-do list. You are getting close to having this baby." I absentmindedly bite my nails and smile nervously. I see that ticker counting down the single digit weeks and I squeaked, "I know. I know." But still, I drag my feet. (Perhaps, I should just take that damn thing off my blog. *sigh*)
It's not that I don't want to do things in preparation for TLB's arrival. I'm so looking forward to the day we'd get to meet this little guy. But I can't stop feeling that if I do things beforehand something bad would happen. That I would jinx everything. I fear I may be suffering some sort of P.TSD. The trauma of my loss paralyzing productivity and excitement for this pregnancy. :( Not really a good place to be and this is why I procrastinate to high heavens.
But I received good advice this week (not really referring to my anxiety of this pregnancy but I think it works just the same): Just stick to the basics. I mulled over it and realized that I don't have to force myself to finish everything before TLB's arrival, I should just stick to the basic things that he will need. If and when he arrives alive and safe in our home, I could do the rest little by little. (This is wishful thinking on my part. Like I would have time to do other stuffs than to hopefully care for a newborn fulltime. Hah!)
Surprisingly, Dave is tackling the guest room where all of the baby stuffs are stored. He said he needs something to do and he wanted to put in his share of preparing for TLB's arrival. I guess, the nesting urge was transferred to daddy this time around. I'm glad he is finding stuffs to do. It helps that someone, other than mommy, is thinking of getting things done.
Hmm...maybe I'm just overwhelmed. I've procrastinated too much, got detached a bit longer and now it's biting my arse back. I've opened the crates of baby clothes and started sorting them out to get laundered again. It's been almost two years since I've seen and held these clothes.
I remember it was April of last year that we dismantled Kai's nursery. Now, we are bringing the same things out in that same room and in the same month! Talk about a full circle (like what I wrote in Kai's blog). But this time, we are filled with renewed hope that we will get to take TLB home with us. It's difficult to type out this sentence without thinking of bad things that could happen along the way. But I'm trying not to let it stress me out. I'm on "que sera, sera" mode - what will be, will be.
In the meantime, I'm focusing on the things that needed to be done. Hospital tour. Check. Breastfeeding class. Check. Car seat. Check. Apparently, not a lot. Yikes! Now I need to go on panic mode eh? Lately, I find I'm not as agile and flexible as I used to be, with the added weight in my belly, every inch of my body feels like lead. I move like a slug and lugging a few laundry to the laundry room makes me out-of-breath. I should have done the laundering of baby clothes sooner. *sigh*
Anyway, house and carpet cleaning would be done this week. And no, I'm not doing those. The hubby took pity on me and called the pros in. And pros don't mean my MIL. Eventhough, she's been bugging us if we want her to come earlier and help us out with errands and such.
I guess, having her around would be a tremendous help with the chores I'm trying to plow through but I feel the need to be alone as I approach the homestretch. I'm by no means trying to be brave here, I'm actually freaking out inside. But I would just be stressed out if there's someone who would constantly ask me if I'm doing fine or wants to know how I'm holding up. So Dave and I agreed that we'll have her come down next weekend as I near week 39.
Wow! I've got three weeks left. If the OB and I come to an agreement about getting TLB out earlier (meaning before 40 weeks), I would only have two weeks more to go in this pregnancy. The funny thing is, time is going by real fast now. This reality makes me afraid and excited at the same time.
Man, things are getting more and more real around here. When I say 'things', I mean the things in THIS pregnancy. While I try to ignore them by sitting on my behind and watching mindless TV, the reality of it is setting in. And it won't be ignored. It sits with me, follows me everywhere, and is now nagging me.
It's saying, "Hey, get your butt in gear. You better go and finish your to-do list. You are getting close to having this baby." I absentmindedly bite my nails and smile nervously. I see that ticker counting down the single digit weeks and I squeaked, "I know. I know." But still, I drag my feet. (Perhaps, I should just take that damn thing off my blog. *sigh*)
It's not that I don't want to do things in preparation for TLB's arrival. I'm so looking forward to the day we'd get to meet this little guy. But I can't stop feeling that if I do things beforehand something bad would happen. That I would jinx everything. I fear I may be suffering some sort of P.TSD. The trauma of my loss paralyzing productivity and excitement for this pregnancy. :( Not really a good place to be and this is why I procrastinate to high heavens.
But I received good advice this week (not really referring to my anxiety of this pregnancy but I think it works just the same): Just stick to the basics. I mulled over it and realized that I don't have to force myself to finish everything before TLB's arrival, I should just stick to the basic things that he will need. If and when he arrives alive and safe in our home, I could do the rest little by little. (This is wishful thinking on my part. Like I would have time to do other stuffs than to hopefully care for a newborn fulltime. Hah!)
Surprisingly, Dave is tackling the guest room where all of the baby stuffs are stored. He said he needs something to do and he wanted to put in his share of preparing for TLB's arrival. I guess, the nesting urge was transferred to daddy this time around. I'm glad he is finding stuffs to do. It helps that someone, other than mommy, is thinking of getting things done.
Hmm...maybe I'm just overwhelmed. I've procrastinated too much, got detached a bit longer and now it's biting my arse back. I've opened the crates of baby clothes and started sorting them out to get laundered again. It's been almost two years since I've seen and held these clothes.
I remember it was April of last year that we dismantled Kai's nursery. Now, we are bringing the same things out in that same room and in the same month! Talk about a full circle (like what I wrote in Kai's blog). But this time, we are filled with renewed hope that we will get to take TLB home with us. It's difficult to type out this sentence without thinking of bad things that could happen along the way. But I'm trying not to let it stress me out. I'm on "que sera, sera" mode - what will be, will be.
In the meantime, I'm focusing on the things that needed to be done. Hospital tour. Check. Breastfeeding class. Check. Car seat. Check. Apparently, not a lot. Yikes! Now I need to go on panic mode eh? Lately, I find I'm not as agile and flexible as I used to be, with the added weight in my belly, every inch of my body feels like lead. I move like a slug and lugging a few laundry to the laundry room makes me out-of-breath. I should have done the laundering of baby clothes sooner. *sigh*
Anyway, house and carpet cleaning would be done this week. And no, I'm not doing those. The hubby took pity on me and called the pros in. And pros don't mean my MIL. Eventhough, she's been bugging us if we want her to come earlier and help us out with errands and such.
I guess, having her around would be a tremendous help with the chores I'm trying to plow through but I feel the need to be alone as I approach the homestretch. I'm by no means trying to be brave here, I'm actually freaking out inside. But I would just be stressed out if there's someone who would constantly ask me if I'm doing fine or wants to know how I'm holding up. So Dave and I agreed that we'll have her come down next weekend as I near week 39.
Wow! I've got three weeks left. If the OB and I come to an agreement about getting TLB out earlier (meaning before 40 weeks), I would only have two weeks more to go in this pregnancy. The funny thing is, time is going by real fast now. This reality makes me afraid and excited at the same time.
5 comments:
I completely feel for you. And darn that PTSD! I'm glad time is going by quickly! Don't stress getting it all done before TLB's healthy arrival. It'll get done -- before or after he arrives. As long as he has an outfit and a place to sleep, you're set. ;)
We're
This iPhone is not my friend. :)
As I was saying.... We're super excited for you guys! Can't wait to see the picture and announcement of TLB's arrival! :)
I am so excited for you and I totally understand about being scared to do too much preparation ahead of time. I always imagined that when we were expecting our rainbow, we would have just the basics, and I mean the basics. A carseat, some diapers and a few outfits and the rest could be bought when we bring the baby home. But then Ted said one day that if we want to set up a baby room, have a baby shower, etc., we should. Because no matter what happens, whether we prepare a lot or barely at all, we'll be devastated if we don't get the bring the baby home, but we should enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible. I know that is so much easier said than done. I have been too scared to sign up for any classes, so my sister signed me up for a breastfeeding class in July. I figured as long as I don't do it myself, it shouldn't jinx things.
I can't wait to see pictures of you and TLB.
You are full term! :-) Congratulations! Not too much longer now. I am counting down the days with you and holding you both close to my heart. I know that your countdown is causing you a little stress, but I hope it is also bringing you moments of excitement. 20 more days! Sticking to the basics sounds like an excellent plan. I hope that you are able to find the preparation balance that you need. Sending love and prayers your way! xoxo
I totally agree with Dana.. and I am so excited as his birthday approaches! Hugs!!!
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